BLACK. LIBERATED. AMPLIFIED. CULTURED. AND KEY
Disclaimer
All views and opinions expressed in this article are my own. This is in no way directed towards anyone specifically, and it is not a representation of all black interracial relationships, but this is my freewrite, and I stand by my opinions.
It’s something about black interracial relationships that don’t sit right with me. No, I’m not just talking about the black men in interracial relationships; I’m talking about the black women, transgender, and non-binary black people as well. My opinion is not limited to black heterosexual interracial relationships. This is to all black people and all black interracial relationships.
I feel like black interracial relationships are a divisive tool in the black community. In our community we constantly hear things that are degrading towards each other. “Black men aren't good enough.” “Black men ain't shit.” “Stop caping for these black men that don’t want us.” “Black women are too outspoken” “Black women are too loud, too dark, too independent and too ghetto.” “Ain't nobody checking for bitter black women.” A lot of yall have black mothers, sisters and, aunts and brothers, uncles, and fathers yet fail to respect black people outside of your familial relationships or in some cases y'all can’t even do that, especially for black women.
A lot of yall get into interracial relationships for the wrong reasons. A lot of yall get into interracial relationships so your children can be light skinned. A lot of yall get into interracial relationships so your children won’t be black because they won’t be; they’ll be mixed. You hate your features so much; you don’t want your children to have them. You hate your skin so much; you don’t want your kids to have it. You hate your skin so much; you wouldn't dare date a partner that was the same complexion as you. You want to be a non-black person so bad, you had to get you a non-black partner. You praise your non-black partner and neglect your black peers, black women and black trans folks. You look highly upon non-black partners while degrading black ones. I don’t understand why some of yall look so highly upon non-black partners. Maybe it's because of self-hate. I can’t blame you. It’s institutionalized and white supremacy is engraved in our society, but that is still not an excuse to uplift a race that is not your own before uplifting your own race.
Some of yall have non-black partners that don't even care about your blackness or even care about blackness outside of you. Your non-black partner didn’t care about your blackness until you were in a relationship with them. They didn’t care about recognizing their privilege and understanding black struggles until you told them to do so. Do yall think about the biracial children you’ll bring into the world? The difficult conversations about race yall have, don’t you get tired of them? Or do you not have them at all because you’re trying to escape from your blackness through your non-black partner? You think race doesn’t affect you because you have a non-black partner? Think again. That non-black partner on your hip doesn't make you any better or any lighter. Can you depend on your non-black partner to advocate for you? To understand you? Some of yall non-black partners and their parents are racist, but I see why some of yall get along so much. Yall have one thing in common: yall both hate your black skin. You hate your skin and so does your partner. Your non-black partners call you the n word when they're mad at you and even after all of that yall will still refuse to date black, especially black women.
Non-black people, don’t get into black interracial relationships unless you’re willing to do the extra work to learn about the black experience that you will never fully understand. Yall always say true love is not about how the person looks but what's on the inside, yet y'all have a preference for white; yall have a preference for light skinned. You put white first, black last. “I don’t date color” sounds the same as “I don’t see color.” “Love doesn't see color.” You're right because your non-black partner is colorblind which is problematic af. When you date, you need to see color and recognize how your partner's color will affect your relationship. I agree black partners across the spectrum don’t keep the same energy. Black women are more often than not degraded by black men, and I believe that is one reason many black women have opted to date outside of their race because black men have shown them that they don't care for black women and will not protect them. Black women’s self-hate in many cases stems from black men, which is the reason they are seeking validation from non-black men.
I don’t care what any other race does, but black people do not need to be dating their oppressors. Dating an oppressor that doesn't even care to understand you because they don’t see you. They don’t see color. In reality, non-black people will never understand what it means to be black especially white people. Like in my last article where I talked about unrelated fictive kinship, black people feel empathy for what’s going on in the world right now; white people feel guilt, sadness, and sympathy. Your non-black partner will never be able to empathize with you on that level. Yall talk about not settling for black partners but would rather date a non-black person that doesn't understand your entire existence because they treat you “right.” What is “right” about a partner that doesn’t understand your blackness? Why can't you have it all? A black partner that understands your blackness and treats you right. Yall only want someone that treats you right and are willing to throw away your blackness for that.
I'm just tired of seeing us black people so divisive and putting black last and making white and all other non-black races and ethnicities the priority. We need to put ourselves first. When looking for a partner at least put black first. Make it an effort, not a preference. That “preference” mindset is not making our livelihoods any better. What has your interracial relationship done for the black community? Your generational wealth is not going into the black community because your children aren’t black. Your interracial relationship is not helping the community thrive; it’s tearing us apart. Throw the whole interracial relationship away and do better.
I said what I said. I meant what I said, and I’ll say it again.
This is part three of the four-part B.L.A.C.K. Series. Stay tuned for part four which will be about the best way to move forward in this society built on white supremacy.